Thrive and Awaken® Tip

Reactivity is a natural part of being human. Something happens, often touching an old fear, wound, or belief and we react before we’ve had the opportunity to consciously choose our response. Our body gets activated, emotions arise, thoughts quickly follow, and familiar behaviors can take over.

In Survival Mode, we easily judge these reactions. We wish we had handled something differently or become frustrated that a pattern we thought we had moved beyond has returned. Judging our reactivity only creates another layer of reactivity.

As we Thrive, we begin to relate to these moments differently. Rather than seeing reactivity as a failure, we recognize it as information. With Grounding & Breathing, Compassionate Curiosity and Complete Acceptance, we can become interested in what has been activated: What happened within me? What was I protecting? How am I trying to be safe? What might this reaction be showing me?

Each reaction becomes an opportunity to learn about the conditioning we carry from the past or the underlying fears associated with our personality style.

We cannot change what happened to us, but we can change the influence it continues to have on us. As we become more conscious of these patterns, they have less power to automatically determine how we respond in the present moment.

This is where reactivity becomes a pathway to freedom.

We become increasingly free to choose how we think, feel, and act, rather than having those choices dictated by old patterns. We become free to explore possibilities that fear has kept outside our awareness. And we discover greater freedom simply to Be, rather than continually needing to Do, control, fix, protect, or prove something.

Freedom does not require that we never become reactive. It emerges as we learn and grow from our reactivity. Each time we recognize a reaction, breathe, hold it with compassion, learn what it has to teach us, and consciously choose our response, we loosen another unwanted thread connecting the past to the present.

Reflection

The next time you notice yourself becoming reactive, see if you can resist the impulse to judge or immediately change it. Instead, consciously breathe and become curious: What is this reaction helping me learn about myself?

Then notice the space that opens when you realize: I do not have to react as I have in the past. I am free to choose my response.