Despair to Surrender

By Carolyn G.    

To write this I must think back many years.  What was my world like when I started down the path to awakening?  What motivated me to try something different?  It was a great sadness, a feeling of despair.  I was consumed by worry and fear without any idea how to find resolution or an end to the darkness.   I had no tools to help me move forward.  I fortunately found Doug’s class, Deepening Presence®, and in this class, I found the tools I needed.  Initially it was difficult.  I remember after the first year I felt like I was in a quagmire.  Still despairing and now confused.  But also, starting to dismantle the old perspectives and beliefs.   By the end of the second year the confusion and frustration started to ease, and I started embracing new tools.   Meditation became especially important.  It enabled me to quite my mind.  I started to feel brave enough to embrace and accept my emotions, my anger, my guilt.   By being with my feelings they started to dissipate. Through these early years forgiveness of myself and others was extremely hard, and I had to work with it for a long time.  As my compassion and acceptance grew my judgements and attachments diminished and feelings of love and Awe for life’s beauty and oneness increased.  This is a journey we are all on.  Probably the longest, hardest, and most rewarding journey of our lives.  I have found such joy and contentment.  Even when times are difficult, I have tools which I can access to help me through.  Currently on my journey, I am finding gratitude, loving kindness and surrender to be the tools that help me the most.  I urge everyone to start your journey sooner than later.  The sooner we embrace ourselves and where we are on our journey, the sooner our lives brighten, and we lighten the journey of others.